going down
2002-06-03
I could cry. I'm sat here watching things break, and being well paid to mend them but my mind is frozen. I just dont care. K is mad at me. I dont tell here I love her enough, I do love her and I try to remember to tell her but I must forget coz I still dont tell here enough. I dont care about work, sack me! I dont care my car is bent, its just a car. I dont care what people think about me I just want to be free from obligation I dont ask much from anyone nothing is important in the long term we are all just like sparks in the fire a flash then nothing. I might be away down into the pit again. K will think its all something to do with her and take it really personally, then we will fall out coz I'm not being what she thinks I should be. I I will feel worse for upsetting her but will be powerless to do anything about it. K says I was ignoring her today, I dont see how. I woke up,made love, eat soup, eat a lolly and went to work. most of this happened in the same room. over a 2 hour period. I dont know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I wish I could stop time and go and be fedup on my own until It passed, then I could turn the world back on again and not piss everyone off.
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