I feel mean
2002-08-08

So its all been a bit traumatic since my last update, it all started at midnight on Sunday night. I came home for my tea and was going to bung some oven chips in the oven (Duh! where else) and was thwarted by one big fat frozen chip falling into the door hinge. the chip would not come out,the door would not shut.

This sounds trivial, but for some unknown reason it sent me into a blind/red behind the eyes touretting rage, not a small deal a big fucking fit, a "gonna throw the oven in the garden" rage.

Completly over the top madness.

This upset K who was telling me to calm down and stuff, but I didnt I just stomped out of the house and drove back to work at the speed of a joyriding scouser.

What I didnt know until tonight was I really scared K, I didnt mean to but I did. She Is scared I will go off like that with her. This will never happen but she is still scared.

Now I'm scared too, This is the the third time in 2 weeks I have gone a tad berzerk. which more or less means I have flipped 4 times in 40 years but 3 of them were in the last fortnight.

before now I have always laughed in the face of incompetance, not wanted to rip its head off. I dont want to be a moody snapper, I want to be "mild mannered Puppett" like I have been for all these years, I dont wanna scare K.

I think I shall avoid peeps for a few weeks until some of the pressure is off me.

The Child support bods have assessed me and have kindly left me 21 pounds per week to eat lunch/see my kids/feed my kids when I have them and buy clothes/petrol etc.

This cannot be done, The fact that I took a 13000 GBP loan to assist EX buying a house counts for nothing (this is ontop of the 38,000 GBP house equity I gave her taking nothing for myself)

So It looks like I have 2 options (well EX has 2 options)

1, Call the CSA off and accept what I offer, this gives her a cushy life with no bills.

2, I get made redundant and she get FUCK ALL!

I refuse to work for nothing! I might as well be on the dole.

The Child support bloke was most apologetic but has to "stick to the formula" The UK laws have nothing to do with "shared parenting" but work on the "screw the bloke over" principle.

In fact, look at this

its a list of UK blokes that killed themselves after being wiped out and screwed over by the CSA.