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2002-11-15

I'm sorry if you are reading this thinking WILL THIS MAN EVER STOP WHINING! but its my diary and as such reflects how I feel, sorry

I'm officially in a foul mood. I dont want to be here so much that it is making me feel sick, how vapid and cowardly can a man be that he endures something he hates for no other reason than money. I read "down and out in paris and london" by george orwell, basically his premise at one point says that we all spend our lives fearing what will happen if we hit "rock bottom".

he then goes on to say that once you do hit that point it is quite a liberating experience, you have nothing more to lose so why worry. I feel as though I am short changing K, she is not a person who wants "things" but when she does have things she has nice quality things that last. As I said before, I do eventually either give or throw away all my possesions. The only constant through my life is a small "golliwog" that my auntie made when I was a baby. and thats no longer politically correct, (his name is Dollahog coz I couldnt say golliwog).

tomorrow should be a nice day for K, I will be good and not get pissed. she has written a good speech. I'm unsure of how well I will function on 3 hours sleep, I finish at 07:00 and the girls are being dropped off by there dad at 11:00 I shall give each of them a sharp stick to prod me with should I start nodding off at the wheel

I have borrowed my dads car so will need to take it back on sunday.

My crazy uncle died this week, 25 years of pissing his pants not knowing who he was after a failed suicide attempt.

he probably hasnt cottoned on to the fact that he is dead yet.

My works have cancelled all redundacies until we get taken over by some other company, my boss is trying to get me released on the grounds of me being a completely useless liability that cant be trusted to format a floppy disk. I'm happy enough about this, its just a game we are all playing.

its just another dance,

I might just get up and go home in a minute, I feel lke i'm going to explodescream ant

my head hurts and I feel sick

I might go out and howl at the moon

Do you know that point when you are playing twister and its "right leg green" and you start to make the move but deep down you know that before you get there you are going to fall?

thats me that is.