PUPPETTS MOOD is ......

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PUPPETT'S THINKERY

PUPPETT'S THINKERY

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2002-12-05

I dont think I've ever had an original thought in my head (apart from the acorn of death). Everything I've ever done was a repeat of some other persons day.

most of my days are a repeat of one of my own days and now my diary entries becoming cyclic.

its 02:11 I have not spoken since 12:03.

when I called K to make sure she was not going to sleep on the settee.

in my early 20's I would often go out out and buy food and beer then lock myself in my flat and not open the door or answer the phone to anyone for days and days.

I would shut the curtains and be naked for days at a time.I eat bread and cheese, I wore my headphones and that was enough, sometimes I felt good, the isolation freed me from responsibility sometimes I was utterly desolate and lonely. I told my friends special combinations of telephone rings so I would know who it was, then be so stoned I couldnt remember what I said so ignored it to be on safe side.

my bedroom had no curtains and was too bright so mostly I would sleep on the living room floor in a sea of empty cans. the fridge contained beer and a 4 pint jug of cold "Quosh" orange drink.The cooker was spotless, I never used it. for 18 months I had a toaster that was all the cooking I needed.

Its now 02:26, I just said "no thanks" to a unix op.

My flat was on the first floor, I had a friend who would insist on bringing his moped upstairs. he used to bring shitty Lp's and a bottle of bollinger, It could have been cider for all I could tell but he was a man of large gestures and blue dungerees.

02:31 I'm going to make tea, my shiftmates think I'm miserable coz I make my own tea rather than join in the communal tea pot round. but I dont like tea with the consistancy of bitumen and I like about one cup per hour. they can join my rota if they wish.

I've never been a joiner, no cubs or scouts or any other organised groups for me, I dont know why its just never appealed.

right then, tea.

02:48 there is a fox on the car park outside my window, "like a virgin" is on the radio, I have 16 calls in my work queue.

my wallet contains:- 20.11 in cash,a TSB cashpoint card,a TSB credit card,K's blockbuster card,6 of my business cards,one post office ID card, a swiss army card gadjet thingy and 8 first class stamps.

03:15 I'm going to check the status of my amazon order,...... Its not dispatched yet, I often order stuff then after couple of days cancel it because the mood has passed.

at 04:00 Its lunch break, my 3 options are to stay here typing,sleep on the 2 chairs downstairs or go for a walk.

my legs hurt so I may take them out for a walk to see if it helps.

I have just applied service pack 3 to a server. my, how I live.

Today I will go home, sleep, wake, wee, sleep some more, collect the girls from school then go back to work. I will see K on Friday as she has to go to London tomorrow and will return about 10 mins before I set off for work.

on friday I will sleep until about 13:00 then head across country to collect my kids. on the way back I will stop at a pub and drink 1 pint of carling lager. then when I get home I will drink about 5 more cans of lager, my daughter will speak maybe 5 sentences to me. not because we have argued or anything but because she has nothing to tell me. If I phone her she talks to me, if she can see me she becomes mute.

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