a failed 100 first list
2002-12-17

I've spent the afternoon pootling about quite happily, the smiths are on the cd player, there is a tasty steak pie in the oven and Kissylips K will be home soon. All is well with the world.

K saved the day again today, I went out without my keys, so When I got home I realised I had a voicemail message On my moby, I instinctively knew this would be from K telling me

a, I had forgot them again

b, The location where she had hid them in the garden.

The big problem was I had no creds on my mobile to enable me to retrieve the message. I then had to trog acros town to the stupidmarket where I paid one woman for a voucher, the queued again while another looked up the voucher number in a hand written ledger (un-fuckin-believable for a national chain) while bint number 3 found the voucher to hand to me. then I picked up K's mesage to discover I was only 12 inches out on my initial search.

I tried to do a 100 things I did first list but have failed at about 30, so have it, its yours now its all that there is.

1,The first beer I drank was a bottle of "Worthington E" in a caravan in Conway, North Wales

2,my first kiss was with a girl called Kathy Taylor who is now a lesbian

3,My first waking thought is TEA!

4,My first rock-climb was called Eartha at Millstone Edge Hathersage

5,The first time I ever went in an airplane I parachuted out of it

6,The first time I ejaculated I put some on a microscope slide but could not see any wiggly tadpoles

7, the first time I tasted ear wax was my last

8,the first woman I loved was called Ingrid she was 6 years older than me, she didnt love me but she did have regular sex with me, which wasnt ideal but better than nothing

9,the first motorised thing I ever drove was a "raleigh runabout" moped, It was like a pushbike with an engine and it seemed to fly like the wind

10,when my first child was born I wept buckets (i did when my second was too)

11,the first single I bought was "american pie" by Don Maclean

12,the first LP (sorry Album) was Meddle by pink Floyd

13,the first forign country I visited was Belgium on a camping trip with a mate on our own aged 14

14,the first time I took amphetamines I rubbed my hands on my jeans so much that my hands turned blue

15,the first 4 wheel thing I drove was a 15cwt Bedford EA van

16,my first name means "brown warrior"

17,I first told K I loved her 3 days after we met

18,the first blow job I was given was on the top of a 15th century tower in wales

19, the first time I said "sorry about that" was about 30 seconds later (I'm embarrased now)

20,my first wage for a 40 hour week was �20 GBP

21,my first musical instrument was a clarinet

22,my first paraglide flight was off Shining Tor (1600)Ft. Tor means Hill

23,my first drug fuelled hallucination was a man behind the curtains counting pages in a book out loud.

24, the first pictures of naked women I had were in a soft porn mag called OUI! which I kept in a biscuit tin in a tree in the garden.

25,when I get dressed I put my shirt on first

26,my first computer was a Sinclair ZX-80 with 1K yes 1K of ram (and I had to wait 3 months for it such was the demand)

27,my longest naked walk was 2.5 miles from a pub to a cave I was sleeping in. it was 02:00am and I had a good reason at the time but it escapes me just now.

28,my first stunt kite was a "peter Powell Stunter"

29, the first model plane I built was a "keil kraft cadet" (its so sad I remembered that)

30, the first pint I bought in a pub cost 24pence (thats how old I am)