see ya later alternator
2003-02-04

Well yesterday I did at least four updates and binned each of them in turn for being dire and depressing.

The thing is, I get completely absorbed by my moods,. I have no ability to look on the bright side when I feel down just as I have no recollection of being miserable when I�m happy. I can�t imagine how it feels to be cold when I�m on a hot beach, the idea of wearing shorts and a tee shirt is alien when I�m wrapped up in the snow.

The only thing I do know is that all my moods are transient, which is of no help at all to K who likes stuff to be fairly steady. If I had no kids if I was free of all responsibilities I would stand up now this very moment and say � I going home now, please feel free to shove this job, coz I�ve had enough� but I have responsibilities and the fall out from doing so would involved a never ending procession of debt collectors knocking at my door.

The big problem I�ve been having is caring if this happens. And basically I love K, loving someone means that you can't just ignore all their values and beliefs. So the debt collecting scenario is not a solution. Being hit on the head with a spade and being unable to pay is one thing, not being able to pay because you have a mardy-arsed-wobble-on is another.

As a kind of stop gap fudge, I have been considering binning the shifts and going back onto days, only to find that I cannot do so unless someone else wants to do them instead of me, and guess what? Nobody wants to. I can feel a sick note coming on��

Anyway, sorry to bore you all again with my never ending �don�t wanna go to work� type of poo. After all it is just a job but it is screwing up the rest of me.

We have a smattering of snow , tis very pretty but I wish it would bucket down so we got more than about 3 mm ( again for you US peeps that�s about 1/38 of a furlong). Its silly how the merest sniff of the white stuff means all the senior managers have to �work from home today� yeah, course ya do.

I got my car mended yesterday by a bloke who was recommended by a work chum. He was fab, I made one call, he turned up in an hour, took the van away and brung it back mended a few hours later at a really reasonable price, how good is that?, apparently he does work for loads of people where I work with lots of repeat business/recommends , just the kind of person I want to emulate in my heating service/repair startup. Lots of jobs at a reasonable profit rather than the �one off rob the punter blind� approach favoured by many artisans.