they are all loopy
2002-07-30

Fairly early on In my relationship with K I asked her "Tell me about your weird relatives,you know the ones nobody speaks about". Well, she insisted that there were none, I thought every family had a sackful but it seems not.

Oh well here are mine.

Auntie 1,

grew up in a slum, married a posh bloke and pretended to be posh.

didnt work too well coz she jumped off a dam and drowned herself.

Uncle 2,

A talented engineer, my mum made them some curtains out of icckle tiny checked cloth, Unc counted the squares to make sure they were the same, He too went for the suicide gig but cocked it up. My cousin came home to find him staggering around the house, Cuz assumed he was pissed and put him in bed (he was actully full to the brim with valium and mogadon).

He didnt die but has sat in a bed in a rest home for the last 20 years pissing himself and drooling with no idea who he is.

Cousin 3

Mad as a fish, has intense paranoia,sleeps kneeling up on the floor with his head on the sofa (I dunno why, you ask him)

He has really interesting whims, sometimes he has 90 degree days where everything has to be done at right angles. so he walks then turns 90 then walks again, sounds fine till you see him walk down a gently curving road.

Granny4

Now I thought she was senile, it wasnt till she died that I was told she had been in and out of the local loony bin (ok its not a PC name but thats what my mum called it) all her life. I Only ever heard her say 2 things.

One was "boop-e-doop-e-dooooo" whilst walking like spotty dog off the woodentops (one for all you old peeps)

She kind of walked like Mikey Jackson doing the moonwalk, only she did it forwards.

The second was "cuppa tea Ned" which was addressed to the room in general. this always perplexed my grandad coz he wasnt called Ned.

She also had a hobby. This consisted of pulling a Kleenex from a box, tilting her head back with the tissue over her mouth and the blowing it off. this was repeated until she was sat in a little island of paper and the box was empty. At this point we would stuff um back in the box and she would start again.

So Thats my kin folks for you, Todays BIG news is...........

The puppett has had 2000 hits on his diary, whoo hoo!

so to celebrate her is a piccy of the island where our house is being reroofed as we speak!

Nice hey?