So less swearing today methinks, I sent a note to K last night apologising for not being the man she fell in love with, the main points were….
1, a man 35 pounds heavier than when you met him
2, a man who drinks too many beers
3,a man who drives a van and gives you bucket to piss in
4, a man who no longer gives a shit about most of the things that most people do. (pension schemes, progressing at work, paying back bank loans etc)
5, a man who's sex drive comes and goes ( no pun intended)
6, a man with arms and legs that have an invisible problem
7, a man who hates his job
8, a miserable bastard who just wants no responsibilities
But she assures me that as she loves me this isn’t a problem. Which is good.
On another tack, I was in the super market … lets name names, its SAFEWAY where I saw the silliest sign of the year, they have one of those salad bars where you can fill a box with stuff of your choice, (this is of course open to every person with warty, piss stained hands to partake in).
Above the tray is a sign that reads.
FOR LEGAL REASONS EACH BOX MUST CONTAIN AT LEAST TWO KINDS OF SALAD”
So lets get this right, In a world where we may all be blown apart soon, in a country where the “lord of the rolls” (that’s the highest judge in the country) says its fine by him if burglars are caught 2 or 3 times before they get into any sort of custodial sentence, The fucking TOMATO police squad are going to throw me to the ground for just having pasta salad in my box….
Don’t think so!
Anyway I have my defence planned, “well your honour, Aswell as the pasta salad my box contained at least 4 other peoples spittle”
There that should do it.
Also I took part in a football thingy at work where we all put a pound in, drew out a bit of paper with a players name on, and the person with the goal scorers name won the pot.
I don’t do football, so shouted out that I had drawn “NEMO” They wet themselves laughing and said there was no NEMO, so my chum turned it the right way up and pronounced I had “OWEN”