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2003-05-08

Tomorrow, sorry today I have to go see the doctor again, there is not much wrong with my body but my brain is on the brink of going soft and running out of my ears.

I need to get him to keep me off work, the consequences if him sending me back terrify me. Here is my diary-of-the-future, worse case scenario

1, go see doctor he sends me to work

2, I go back getting progressively more angry and frustrated that I am wasting my one and only life spending 12 hours a day doing stuff I don�t like for people I no longer understand ( Its me that has changed not them, my world view has changed, see previous years updates)

3, This continues for a few weeks.

4, I stand up at work, announce I�m leaving never to return and they can like it or lump it.

5, go home with massive burden removed from shoulders

6, no gasman work comes in , cannot repay my 2 GIANT loans or my van repayments, it gets repossessed I cannot work.

7, cannot pay my child maintenance or my share of the house money to K. She isn�t best pleased.

8, endless letters demanding money appear, followed by bailiffs demanding both my pairs of green flash trainers.

9, K gets more and more upset at all the threats of court actions and stuff, I feel increasingly guilty about subjecting her to all of this. All of which is a result of me being a mardy-arsed wanker .

10, My kids wont talk to me coz I haven�t the money for my train fair to go see um, and in any case EX has a big strop on as her endless supply of all my money has stopped magically falling into her pocket.

11, K boots me out, quite rightly. She has enough on her plate without me causing all this havoc.

12, I end alone and crazy up in a council bedsit (a studio flat on a project in the US) just like the one Tommy from trainspotting ended up in.

So that�s why I need a note off the doctor and why I�ve been to bed once but am now sat here typing��..